She's back......

So its been a while since I've been here and there's no excuse coming of why. Just not the time to be writing. But it's been a tough week...so here I am to get some stuff out.

1. I've done ok on the outside handling the death of my mom and my step father. The outside of me I can control and make "pretty" so the world doesn't have to see how truly messed up my insides are. The last few days I've been wondering if this is all really real or if I'll wake up soon to find them both at home and wondering why I haven't called and worried sick about me. They can't be dead - it's just not possible. And even more impossible - I'm expected to live the rest of my days without them. I know people die as a part of life but this is just not fair and I'm sad people - really sad.

2. My employer had layoffs this week and they affected some of my friends. It was just hard for them but it was hard for those who love them to watch. The economy is so uncertain and all of us are wondering just what will happen next. Please President Obama - do what you can to help us and quickly. And in the meanwhile I pray for my friends and the others who lost jobs.

I'm trying to be positive through these things. I know my mom/step father still love me and are watching over me (love doesn't cease because the person dies). I know my friends will be ok jobwise.

I trust in God and He will provide - of that I'm sure.

Of that I'm sure.

Happy New Year

Just a quick note to say I made it through the holidays. By far the hardest thing I've done yet. I'm so glad to have them over....I am sure Mom/Joe are together and loving every minute of their reunion. Doesn't make me miss them any less.

Hope your New Year is fill with joy and love.

Finally

Christmas is here.

I don't have to dread it one more day - it's here.

I'll get through this day i'm sure. I have family gatherings and friends coming to vacation in Western NC for a few days with me.....but I miss my Mom and my step father. More than any words could ever do justice to. If you haven't been through this I wish you never had to.

Merry Christmas to all!

It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees....

I love that song. Always have. It's a sad one to me - wish I had a river I could skate away on.

I am happy to be seeing my brother and his family on Christmas day along with an Aunt and some friends but if I could I'd wish us right into 2009.

This is just too hard and I didn't expect it to be any other way.

Hoping everyone else has a lovely, happy, joyful, peaceful and healthy holiday season.

Life is never as it seems

Tonight I'm working on fact checking some charts for a meeting tomorrow. While I'm making sure the columns add up correctly so I don't embarass I turn on my TV for noise and find "You've Got Mail".

I love this movie.

It makes me sad - its too close to home right now. Meg Ryans character is missing her Mom at Christmas.

I am missing my Mom and Joe at Christmas...and every day.

I love you Mom and Joe and miss you very much. Merry Christmas.

Sick Sick Sick

I've caught the latest and greatest of cold floating around. Started with hoarse voice and slight cough for two days (accompanied by sore throat) and turned into a head cold last night.

Oh Joy - just in time for Christmas shopping.

And then there was 1.....

Yesterday at work on the two projects I've worked on all year was stopped. So I'm down to one project.

One full time project.

Not two.

Wow.